The Desire to Improve

Have you ever met someone who had a false sense of themselves?  The people who only see their strengths, and either don’t see or simply choose to ignore their faults.  They talk trash about other people, and often criticize traits in other people that they themselves have.  Those are difficult people to deal with, aren’t they?

Alternatively, have you ever met someone who only saw the worst in themselves?  All they do is talk trash about themselves and praise others.  These people are equally difficult to be around, as they require constant reassurance and need to hear about their good qualities from someone else.

I have been both of these people, but I have taken on a new mindset over the past couple of years that has pushed me to step outside of myself and look at myself from another perspective.  What am I good at?  What am I flawed at?  How can I improve?  

This mindset has pushed me to be more confident, more aware of other people and their feelings, and a little more disciplined.  Of course, it’s not easy.  Sometimes improving yourself means changing negative traits that have been a part of you for years.  Sometimes your positive traits leak over into your negative ones.  For example, sometimes my confidence, independence, and leadership qualities make me incredibly stubborn.  My determination and passion can make me impatient.

So lets narrow down my shortcomings to five, and explore each of them individually.

Attentiveness

I am a creative spirit, I like doing my own thing and don’t often like being told what to do.  This means I can tune out and start thinking of something else if I don’t find what I’m doing or learning to be especially valuable.  Even if I am interested in the subject, if I’m forced to sit and listen for too long I get bored and want to do something else.  This made school, even as a homeschooler, very difficult.  I always got my projects done, and I did them well,  but I wasted so much time procrastinating and doing things I wanted to do.  Of course, I could argue that I wasted time in school being forced to sit in an online class and doing useless projects, but that’s a different point for a different post.

I do think I’ve improved in my attentiveness.  As I’ve gotten older, I can direct my attention at one thing for longer.  I can follow instructions, I can listen and learn, and I can better direct my attention to my projects, but my mind still frequently wanders and makes it difficult to focus.

Less Stubborn

I asked family members and friends what traits they think I should improve, and more than one said I was very stubborn.  I know this is a bit of a problem, but when I asked my brother to list my most defining qualities, he said stubborn five times within thirty seconds and very little else, which I think is a bit dramatic.

This is something I’ve actually been trying to improve, though I suppose I haven’t succeeded as much as I thought I had.  I try to listen to other opinions and ideas, and often times I do change my point of view or my actions.  However, this isn’t something I want to discard of completely.  Another way to look at stubbornness is “firm in what you believe in,” which I think is very important.

Patience

This is probably one of my biggest flaws.  I think I expect a lot of people, and when or if I don’t get what I expect, I lose patience.  This sometimes flares up when I’m teaching tennis.  Most of the time I can keep everything under control as long as I think the kids are actually listening and trying their hardest, but my patience wears thin if I’ve been repeating myself and there is no change.  It was the one thing my boss suggested I work on at my end-of-year review after teaching kids all summer.

Like I mentioned in my introduction, I think this stems from my determination and passion.  I want to help people succeed, I want to push them to be the best version of themselves they can be, or at least the best tennis players they can be.  I get frustrated if I feel like they aren’t pushing themselves.  I need to remember that some people need longer to get to the place they want to be, or to even figure out where they want to be.  Everyone is different, and the only person I can change is myself.

Authenticity

This is a particularly interesting one.  I believe that everyone is putting on some kind of show for each person they meet in order to relate to that person the best.  I don’t think people necessarily change themselves, but they do enhance certain aspects of their personality.  For example, there is one group of friends I have where I am the sassy, confident, girly girl.  There is another group where I’m the brave one who never backs down from a challenge.  When meeting parents of kids I babysit, I put on my smiley, eager, “I’m responsible and I’m in control” face.  Of course, I am all of these things.  I never conceal anything that I am, I just enhance certain aspects of myself to best suit the situation.  

There is nothing wrong with this, everyone does it.  However, it’s important to remember never to completely change yourself to meet someone else’s expectations.  

Self Control/Discipline

Willpower is a surprisingly difficult thing to control.  You’d think it’d be easy, right?  Just don’t eat that extra slice of cake, just do the dishes, just finish that project already.  Why is “just don’t” or “just do” so difficult for us to understand and accomplish?  

I don’t know.  What I do know is that we can practice self-control and self-discipline.  It won’t be easy, but with practice, it will come.  It’s the only way you can change your life for the better, and I’m taking small steps towards that, setting routines and timers for myself to get things done.  

Change comes from within.  First, you have to be able to recognize what you do well, and what you don’t.  Once you’ve looked at yourself objectively, then you can begin to take steps towards bettering yourself.